your parents love me but you hate me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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