$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize