Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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