I have demons in me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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