I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize