He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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