I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize