his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize