I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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