we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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