"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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