What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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