So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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