I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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