Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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