He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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