I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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