been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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