im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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