and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize