He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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