He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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