I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love you.
Bad choice
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