i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize