I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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