Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He passed out mid-signature
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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