I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize