you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize