At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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