Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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