I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize