whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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