glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
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would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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