There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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