Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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