you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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