I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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