Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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