If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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