Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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