Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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