there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize