he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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