Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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