just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
did you just send me my own nude
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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