you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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