I just threw up on my dentist
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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