Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize