Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How's work?
Spinning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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