It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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